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I THINK, THEREFORE I BLOG. THOUGHTS ARE OBVIOUSLY MY OWN.
To create a vibe, cue Ctrl x SzaCovid-19 has birthed a lot of things. It has changed society as we know it, and the "extra" time I've had at home has motivated me to accomplish more of my goals. This post isn't about shaming you for not using your 24 hours a day to be productive. This is me being my organic self and venting about my website, this blog, and this period of transition I'm currently experiencing. I'm officially in transition. It sounds weird saying that - or typing it because I had yet to welcome transition in my life; I like control. This transition is about navigating my twenties and experiences shifts in my professional life. God bless them 20 somethings, Sza said. <3 Okay, cool. 20 somethings? They're supposed to be full of life, excitement, and exhilaration. The earliest part of my twenties were spent entering my career. I was ready. Ms. 20 Something, for sure. Not much excitement there. I was so excited to become an educator - a teacher. I spent four years of college training for a childhood dream I had. In my first year, I stayed late, came to work early, and instantly became active in after school programs; I wanted to be the kind of teacher that had those fancy blogs and social media pages. You know? The kind that makes the cylinder block classroom look and feel like a palace with the perfect Ikea furnishings? I started teaching at the tender age of 21 - still wet behind the ears. This wasn't a job. It was a career, and I wanted to do it right. To be honest, I over-did it. I will never forget one of my co workers (I'll call him Bret). Bret was older, at least 35 and married with children. He called me shorty. He told me to go home. I had my entire "life" ahead of me. Ya'll. I spent so much time at my job I felt guilty for going out, wanting to travel, and taking vacation days that I earned. Ms. 20 something!! I started pursuing my Masters degree around 22. Still a baby and still over-working myself. I didn't want to lose CTRL. I wanted to make the best of my time as Ms. 20 something. I mean, it had to be bad if my brand new co-workers could see it? Thanks Bret. Love Galore Don't take it personal. The early-mid twenty something phase was all about LOVE. I listened to Bret; even though I was still pursuing my second degree, I focused on loving myself more and spending more time with me. This was probably the greatest thing I ever did. I did the unthinkable - took a vacation that lasted longer than a weekend! How dare I? Girl please. The greatest thing I learned while loving myself was that other peoples' needs and wants shouldn't come before my own. I entered my career thinking I was supposed to be devoted and driven, which can be great, but not at the cost of my own physical and mental health. I definitely got "back on my bully". Sing with me! "We do whatever we want. Go wherever we want. Love however we want. It don't matter." Broken Clocks, or maybe not... In retrospect, one of the craziest things I thought was happening in my twenties was that I was running out of time. Remember Bret told me I had my whole life ahead of me? I somehow forgot. I wanted to cram all of my accomplishments into maybe 7 or 8 years. I had to be about 23 or 24 with this thought. This is part of the reason why I pursued my Ph.D. so young. However, learning gives me a natural high - something I can't explain. Pursuing my Ph.D. at 24 is something I will never regret. The clocks were never broken. It was set to "My Time". I was moving at MY pace. A lesson I learned in this phase of my 20 somethings was that there is no benchmark. Now that I'm here, I hope I can help someone along the way. 5 Tips for Twenty Somethings
1. Be Your Organic Self: Is it really your 20s if you aren't trying to figure out who you are? People will always have something to say. Worry more about your happiness than other peoples comfort. 2. Change is Good: There is no growth in comfort. Whether in your personal or professional life, change should be welcomed because with change comes growth and a version of yourself you have yet to discover. 3. Vacay, Staycay, K?: No matter where you choose to go, go somewhere! Getting in a new space can help you recharge, reflect, and renew. Do not confine yourself. 4. Work it Out: In the literal sense, take care of yourself. Walk, run, do Pilates. It's easy to lose track of healthy habits when consumed by other aspirations - DON'T! Get active. 5. Pick Your Clock: Take as much or as little time as you need. Don't measure your success by what the next person has on their agenda. Take some time to set personal and professional goals *privately*, and measure your goals using your own terms. OWN YOUR 20s!
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Before you get it twisted, this isn't what you think it is. It's not a glory story. There isn't some fancy thing in my life I'm going to discuss. This is a real-life account of my experience with Chapter 4 and how I became a victim. I survived, and I'm here to tell my story. Whoohoo! You passed your proposal defense! Time to do the "easy" part; just collect the data. Okay, here we go. ME: Hey, Chapter 4, I just dropped those other chapters off. I'm on my way. You ready? FOUR: Hey girl! I'm ready. Call me when you pull up. ME: Ok, cool! (blasts Broke x Ari Lennox on the way to Chapter 4's house) ME: (Phone Rings) Hey, Four! I'm here. FOUR: Okay, give me ONE second. Let me finish putting my lashes on. ME: Girl, don't start. You know we have to be at the function by a certain time. FOUR: Girl, don't rush me. (Dial Tone) This is the simplest way for me to explain my interaction with Chapter Four. Four taught me patience. For sure. I didn't understand why Chapter 4 was such a monster. Like, how DARE Four hang up in my face like that? Being all negative. I conducted qualitative research, and I love to talk, but it seemed like I was saying and doing everything totally WRONG. My participants were great, but was I talking too much? What I thought would be thirty minute interviews were full on 60 minute sessions. In retrospect, I'm so happy about that. At the time, I thought I was "doing it wrong". In the midst of trying to find my way in data collection, Covid-19 crept up in the party. Like huh? How am I supposed to handle this? It appeared that the difficulties of Chapter 4 would continue. It felt like one blow came after another. How was I supposed to reach people during such a challenging time? See, I knew better. Four and her friends being all negative. While Four was taking all day with her lashes, I found ways to work while I waited. I built the frame for the chapter so that inserting data would be easier. I created profiles for my participating institutions and a table for participants while I "waited in the car". I also took time to comb through my first three chapters to change the tense of my work and add new content that would improve the quality of my document. Work smarter! Not harder! Four couldn't have thought I was just sitting in the car doing NOTHING. Just as I was about to pick up my phone and call Four, here she comes waltzing down the steps with gifts in hand. Ms. "I was putting on my lashes" was in the house being extra. She brought me STELLAR participants. They truly added value to my study; I felt like they gave me everything I needed. There was so much diversity in the thought process and descriptions of their encounters. It was like divine intervention once she came to the car - my thoughts and ideas started to come together and my spirit was able to calm. I wasn't expecting that AT ALL. Four also brought a magical pen. Who doesn't love a nice pen? Once I used it, my writing became top tier. I was shocking myself, like girl? That's you? Sounding all scholarly? That was good. Before we could get to the function, I had to share my experience with Four. Who did I reach out to? My advisor. After getting positive feedback, I felt so much better about my experience. I could breathe. Don't get me wrong. I cried - A LOT. I mean, I really cried. Sobbed at 2am. Sobbed again over my laptop at 7pm. I just didn't understand the process while it was happening. Now that it's over, it makes all the sense in the world. One thing Four taught me was that everyone's experience is different, so I don't have a load of tips for you here. One thing I can say is TRUST THE PROCESS. BLESS UP. |
AuthorI write. I blog. I research. I read. Thoughts are obviously my own. <3 Archives
May 2024
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