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I THINK, THEREFORE I BLOG. THOUGHTS ARE OBVIOUSLY MY OWN.
It was written. My dissertation defense was scheduled. June 16, 2020 will forever be known (to me) as "D Day". This IS a feel good story. I feel GREAT now that its over. Like Beyonce at the Grammys. Journey with me from start to finish. Shall we? The Night Before The night before is just as important as the day of. I'm very organized, so everything I did was by the books. I started off by printing off my document - unlucky for me the printer scrambled my page numbers so my printed document DID NOT match the copy my committee had. Oh goody :'( Once I analyzed the printed copy, I looked over notes that were provided beforehand by one of my committee members - bless her heart. I couldn't find any of my college ruled paper, so there I was ripping sheets out of a small notebook trying to cram what I felt like were the most important things to discuss on some itty bitty lines. One or two sheets turned into several. Naturally, I thought my entire study was important. I mean, wouldn't you? I stood up walking around my room pretending to ask myself questions - out loud. Talking to myself. I had nothing to eat. My last meal was around 4pm. I don't know about you but, I have a very nervous stomach and I was not willing to risk it! AT ALL! I was running on fumes and water. My brand new Fashion Nova suit was laid out with the heels to match. Light blue cami. JSU lapel pin. Tiffany's necklace from my bestfriend. I kept thinking, "If I gotta defend from home, make it fashionable!" Before going to bed around 10 or 11, I set up the dining room table with my laptop, notes, hard-copy dissertation, pen, notebook, and water. My nerves were getting bad, so I turned on a calming playlist from Apple Music and wrote myself a list of affirmations. Lights out. The Morning Of I set an alarm for 8am. Like a kid on Christmas, excitement was my alarm. I woke up at 6:30am! My defense was scheduled for 11am. I had to force myself back to sleep. It wasn't working. I started playing scrabble on my phone - I love word games; I'm a nerd. I was able to rest my eyes for about twenty minutes then I just laid there. I was calm, more calm than I was the morning of my proposal defense. To keep that energy, I listened to Chasing Summer x SiR. LA, Fire, and Touch Down are HIGHLY recommended. I was out of the bed by 8am and started my quest to get dressed. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm no MUA. I did the best I could. I grabbed my Black Radiance, a BEBE palette, some lashes, and went to work. I think the final product turned out pretty good. Make up was done. Hair was untwisted. Everything was coming together, but I was still nervous. I had no idea what to expect. I silenced my apartment and paced the living room reading my affirmations aloud. They went something like: 1. You got this Dr. Stokes. 2. You will do great Dr. Stokes. 3. Remember to breathe. 4. Be humble and not afraid. 5. Trust God and yourself. 6. This is YOUR study. Own it! Moments later, at 10:28 am, I got my Verse of the Day from the Bible App. It read, "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoice; and with my song will I praise him." Psalms 28:7. I said loudly, "Okay, God! I see you!!" The Defense I logged on to Google Meet early, of course. I wanted to be there to accept guests and combat any technology issues. So at 10:50, I was there. One of my committee members was the first person in attendance. Scary? No, not at all! He was full of joy and excitement, so that helped with the nerves. All of a sudden, the guest list started to pile up. I welcomed my parents, grandmother, family members, line sisters, childhood friends, and my undergraduate crew. At 11:03 am, I was instructed by my Chair to give a brief synopsis of my study. I conducted a qualitative research study titled: Faculty Perceptions of Persistence Among African American Students Enrolled in Distance Education Courses at Community Colleges. After about seven minutes, the floor was opened for questions. It was dead silent. I anticipated a "firing squad" as it is sometimes called, but that is not what I saw. I was thinking, "Really, yall?" (See photo to the left lol) I saw faculty members who were obviously proud of my work, but wanted to make sure its polished. I engaged with them regarding my findings and implications and listened to their recommendations. One committee member in particular took a different approach. Before he started, he wanted me to know how proud he was and that he has seen me grow in the program. My heart was in my stomach. I wanted to cry, but I knew I couldn't do that right then. Following the praise, he asked me a few questions about implications based on the COVID-19 pandemic and online learning. Here is what I have to say. 1. Technology integration is inevitable. Institutions, whether traditional, hybrid, or remote, need to train faculty to use technology to ensure there is quality teaching and learning taking place. COVID-19 revealed some of those deficiencies. 2. It is possible to establish and maintain relationships between faculty and students through meaningful interactions in the virtual classroom. 3. Proximity makes a difference. Institutions of higher education don't narrowly service students from urban areas. Students' proximity to technology and resources makes a difference in their learning ability. Institutions should conduct technology needs and interest surveys to best assist their students. So, round one of questions commenced. My Chair asked the committee if they had any further questions or comments one by one. EACH OF THEM SAID NO. Black Jesus was WORKING! Do you hear me? I was then instructed to dismiss my guests so the committee could deliberate. At 11:45am, I received a call from my Chair. I nervously said, "Hello?". His greeting was "Well CONGRATULATIONS!" in a loud chipper voice. If you know my Chair, this isn't his typical professional and polished greeting. I instantly started grinning from ear to ear. I did it. It was done. My chair was proud. My committee members were proud. My family and friends got to witness the moment. A unanimous pass. My mother immediately left her job to come get me so we could celebrate. Even as I type this, I'm still in awe. It'll take my mother and father to explain how I got to this point "despite it all". Not only did I pass my dissertation defense, I am the youngest woman in my program to do so. There are two other scholars who paved the way for the "youngins", Dr. Brandon Dumas (25) and Dr. Antwon Woods (26). I said this before, and I'll say it again and again. THANK YOU GOD. Isaiah 40:31
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AuthorI write. I blog. I research. I read. Thoughts are obviously my own. <3 Archives
May 2024
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