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I THINK, THEREFORE I BLOG. THOUGHTS ARE OBVIOUSLY MY OWN.
Disclaimer: This book is a lot, and these thoughts are my own. Like many other literary works, some things within are open for interpretation. The All About Love Series is my personal take on this piece of work by bell hooks. I won't be sharing my thoughts on the entire book, but I do think its worth sharing the pieces that resonate the most with me. Chapter 1: Claritybell hooks did her big one with this. The topic is clarity, and that's what so many of us lack when it comes to love. Why do we lack clarity? Its because the definition of love is so loose and often times people use a "working definition" that suits their situation or allows them to get what they want. To some, it can mean everything while it means absolutely nothing to someone else. We, as a culture and society, put so much pressure on the "L Word", whether its out of fear, shame, or uncertainty, we've made it this thing that everyone wants, but very few really experience because we lack clarity on the subject. If we don't know what something is, can we really claim to feel that way or act on it? One of the dictionary definitions says something about being "profoundly tender" for someone, and while that's cute and everything, love itself is not just a feeling. Love is much deeper. It's layered. It requires more than feeling. It requires action. So, what is love and what isn't it? bell hooks describes love as the place where care, commitment, trust, knowledge, responsibility, and respect all coexist. This made me think of relationships I've had and if all of those things were present from both parties. No, I have not been "clear" on what love is, but I can agree with bell hooks on what it isn't. She said that love and abuse cannot coexist, contrary to what many people have been made to believe. Neglect? Ghosting? Those are not forms of love and they are not excusable. Sometimes you have to make it plain, "if this person knows that these things hurt me, is it really love that they feel for me". Abuse is quite literally the opposite of care and respect, and neglect is quite literally the opposite of commitment - you get it. How do we fall in love if we aren't clear on what love is?I wrote on my Instagram: "The concept of "falling in love" is rooted in haphazardness. It implies that it "just happens" and you have no control over with whom, when, or how it does. And to me, that's a fallacy. Love is a choice. It's done with intent. Purpose. You take responsibility of those feelings. You act on them. You show up in a way that demonstrates respect, affection, and care. Consistently. You wake up and chose to love and be loving. Nothing is haphazard about that." It's choice, not chance. So what do we feel when we are in the presence of our person? A lot of things. I can't tell you if you're in love or if what you're feeling is love, but I do know that we have been taught to accept things that love is and things that it isn't. Sometimes we long for things that we associate with love, like attention and affection - or maybe we just need someone to care in the moment, and it becomes very easy to confuse what love is when our needs are getting met. While these things may be components of love, without the other parts, it's just a piece. Don't be out here settling for a piece of a person if that's not what you want! I think the purpose of chapter one was to challenge readers' thoughts on what love is and to make us question whether or not we've ever given or received it. I think a fulfilling love constitutes all of what bell hooks described, but I also think that people take what they feel like they can get. I hope this challenges your thoughts on love as a giver and receiver and I also hope that you get the love you so rightfully deserve. I wrote this entire blog while listening to Care by Sonder on repeat.
1 Comment
Elias
1/8/2023 03:15:12 pm
“Sometimes we long for things that we associate with love, like attention and affection”. This is exactly why people think love “just happens.”Those momentary feelings have them on a high. Great relatable read.
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AuthorI write. I blog. I research. I read. Thoughts are obviously my own. <3 Archives
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